Saturday, 1 November 2014

Apocalypse Hal - Zombie Needs

As we wait with baited breath for the onslaught of the undead to begin, it is worth trying to understand how zombies behave. For example, what needs will drive their behaviour?

Now back in the 40s some dude called Maslow got a bunch of pens and butcher's paper and came up with a neat diagram. The Maslow's hierarchy of needs puts human needs in a series of levels within a pyramid shape. Once a person has satisfied one set of needs they can progress up to the next level.
Here is an example of how his model can be applied to a typical person of today.

Can we use this model to examine zombie needs? 
Well some people argue Maslow’s theory is too simplistic and that may be the case. But we are dealing with zombies here and they are pretty simple right? So it should work. 
So in the interests of community safety, BZF presents Maslow's Hierarchy of Zombie Needs. My apologies to Abraham Harold Maslow.

You can see that zombies have a very basic set of needs. 
I guess that means that as a culture, zombies will never progress into an advanced civilisation. They won't care about other zombies and will unfriend everyone on Facebook. Group hugs are out. Motivational posters featuring cute cats hanging onto tree branches have no effect on them. Except maybe making them hungry.

Based on this analysis we can assume that zombies make pathetic art critics and will never invent a better toaster.

Bite off more than you can chew.
Mr Rimsky

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