Monday, 25 January 2016

DEAD PLANET: Checking in…how to turn any accommodation into a Zombie safe zone.

Greetings fellow BZFers! 

I’ve been on the move a fair bit since moving to South East Asia. First off, I was in a large house in a rural province called Kampong Chhnang, where monkeys occupied the local park, chickens roamed the streets, oxen fed at the local soccer field, frogs made our home their home, horses trotted by my office and dogs barked aggressively at night. 

Then, I moved to the concrete-filled, traffic-infested, strange smelling city that is Phnom Penh. In between KC and PP I also spent time in guest houses, hostels, hotels and hammocks across Cambodia, Bangkok and Singapore.
Moving quite frequently has made me think about the various zombie-related risks that you run when accommodation hopping. It’s much easier to execute a Zombie survival plan in your own home than on the unpredictable and unknown road. So, if you happen to find yourself traveling, backpacking or glamping when the outbreak occurs, here are a few handy tips to help you safeguard any location!

STEP 1 - Keep essential items nearby

Make a list of your personal essential survival items and keep them close at all times. For example, if you are hard of seeing like me, having glasses and contact lenses in immediate reach will help you differentiate between the invading Zombie and the tacky hotel lampstand (plus, if you break it they’ll probably try and make you pay). 

STEP 2 - Find a weapon

Taking Zombie killing weapons through travel check points can be troublesome (ask me about that time I took a sword into Japan). So right after you check into your digs for the night, identify a few items that could be used to cause some serious Zombie brain death. If you’re staying in a nice hotel you may be able to use the complimentary iron. However if you are going budget and can’t find anything suitable, head down to a local market and search for locally made cow slingshots. 

STEP 3 - Have a way to contact home

Being able to warn your loved ones of Zombie attacks may be important to you. Getting a local sim card will help you send off a quick message to warn them before the attack goes global. You might also want to invest in an old school non-smart phone for superior battery life and retro effect.


STEP 4 - Improvise a barricade

Using luggage and furniture to barricade yourself in your room will keep those pesky Zombies at bay whilst you come up with a plan. If you’re lucky you may also be able to monitor their movements through the little hole in the hotel door.

Room service?

And of course, whether you are staying in a hotel, hostel, tent, yurt, igloo or tree house, whether you are travelling for work, leisure or something in between…wherever you find yourself when the Zombocalypse occurs… remember to aim for the HEAD!

Rise against the Risen!


Friday, 22 January 2016

The art of eating through the zombie apocalypse

There are a lot of zombie survival books out there. A few are good. 

But a lot are just heaps of pathetic drivel that people have slapped together to make a quick buck (Hey, that gives me an idea).

Then someone writes a book that really rises the bar.
Lauren Wilson takes you on an American culinary journey, while dodging hordes of the undead. You start by hiding out in your boarded up apartment while zombies wander the street. Learn how to use those leftovers in the fridge to make The Wok-ing Dead Stir-fry. Gain grilled cheese sandwich inspiration!

With the fridge empty you start pulling out those mysterious packets hiding in the back of your cupboard. Got flour? Rustle up some No-Knead to Panic Bread, perfect for lazy people. Then it's time for some urban hunting and foraging as your food runs low. This is were the cuisine gets creative with Mealworm Fried Rice (insects) and Roasted Tree Rat (squirrel).  

Eventually you are forced to move on, scavenging for morsels of food in the wastelands. Find a tin of tuna and packet of Easy Mac left over in the looted shops? Time to rustle up some Who's got your tuna mac. Or if you are lucky the menu could be End Times Musubi (spam sushi) and Twinkie Trifle

Maybe you'll move on into the wilds eating offal and nuts. Or maybe you end up in a military camp learning to spice up those MREs. Ultimately you make it to a suitable location for the long haul, and start building a new society. Somewhere like Maine where shellfish gardening and kelp harvesting can get you through the winters.   

There is a lot of useful information in this book, from preserving food to making rocket stoves. Growing mealworms to rooftop agriculture. While American, the recipes are quite varied and include useful techniques like making mayo from powdered eggs and cheese from dried milk powder. Lauren's style is humorous as the recipe titles show - Dawn of the Bread Salad anyone?  The illustrations by Kristian Bauthus are above standard and being in colour stand out against the usual black and white illustrations.

A must for anyone wanting to improve their apocalyptic culinary skills.

Bite off more mealworms than you can chew.

Mr Rimsky

Saturday, 16 January 2016

Australian Survivor has risen from the dead!

Channel Ten is planning to run Australian Survivor in 2016 and entries are still open.

Now back in 2002 the very first Australian Survivor aired and yes I applied. 

Back then this involved producing a crappy video and posting the bulky VHS tape to Channel Ten. Then you waited patiently for a nicely typed letter to arrive in the post to announce you were unsuccessful. VHS and snail mail, those were the glory days of reality TV.

Now applications are online and done via a specialist recruitment company. I gather the application takes two to three hours to complete. You have to provide all the sordid details of your life.

Personally I think Survivor offers a great learning experience for those wishing to survive the zpoc. It is not just the survival bit, but dealing with all those fellow contestants who will stab you in the back first change they get. Just the life skills you need when holed up in and abandoned shopping center with a bunch of strangers while zombies drool outside. Also good experience for working in an office.

Now I am unsure if I am mentally and physically up to the challenge of Australian Survivor - I mean three hours filling in forms? But if you are, you can start divulging all your personal secrets at

Bite off more than you can chew.

Mr Rimsky

Thursday, 14 January 2016

Apocalypse Hal: zombies

After Miss ACE discussed the various zombie types I thought it appropriate to do a bit of a line up.

You got the three classes of zombies inspired by the movies. The classic slow dead of Night of the Living Dead, the more intelligent talkers of Return of the Living Dead and the infected living of 28 Days Later

And for a bit of fun I threw in the clumsy but slightly intelligent vampires of Last Man on Earth.These were the prototype zombie that kick started it all.

Bite off more than you can chew

Mr Rimsky