Saturday, 25 October 2014

Apocalypse Hal - Bug Out Bag

So the zombies are scratching at the door and you realise you never did get around to making that survival kit/bug out bag/bunker. What do you do?

BZF presents The 30 minute Bug Out Bag*

A lot of household items can be useful in a survival situation so hopefully you can toss these items in a bag and head for the hills.

A brief overview:

Laundry basket

Don't have a backpack? Tie two straps to a plastic flexible laundry basket and presto, you have a improvised backpack. Line with a plastic garbage bag to keep your stuff dry and tie the top of the basket together to avoid stuff falling out. 


You need water, a few litres at least unless you are sure you can get more. Soft drink bottles are lightweight so fill a couple of them if you have them. 


Bleach is great for disinfecting things and trust me with rotting zombies wandering around you will want to disinfect everything you touch. Most importantly bleach will get blood stains out of your favourite party frock. Oh yeah you purify water with it too. 

Kitchen knife

Select the strongest, sharpest knife from your kitchen. While a survivalist may cringe, one of those stay sharp knives with the blade sharper build in the sheath would ensure you always have a sharp blade. Best to take a couple of knives in case one gets stuck in a zombie.


It is vital that you be able to start a fire or burn down your ex's place. Hopefully you should have some matches and cigarette lighters lying around. Having some tinder is also very helpful. Fire-lighters for the BBQ they are excellent otherwise a couple of tea candles are good too. 

Prescription items

By this I mean any items you really need for health reasons. Prescription glasses, specialist medicine, hearing aids, that sort of essentials. You seriously do not what to be half blind, half deaf and suffering an asthma attack in the middle of a zombie outbreak. Viagra does not count as an essential medicine so put it back in the cupboard right now. 

Plastic bags
Looks like rain? With a knife and a garbage bag you have a improvised poncho. With two bags and some duct tape you can make a tube tent. Grab some smaller bags for holding small items. Nine out of ten drug sellers recommend ziplock baggies for keeping your stash organised and dry.   


Outrunning zombies is hungry work so toss some food in your bag. Go for lightweight stuff as you may be carrying all this. Noodles, dried fruit, jerky, biscuits and pop tarts are all good examples. 

Metal pot

You need a metal pot to cook in and so you can boil water to make it safe for drinking. You can use a small saucepan or another option is a small metal meatloaf tin. Fold up a sheet of aluminum foil so you can use it as a makeshift lid for you pot. It helps speed up the heating and prevents cigarette butts form accidentally garnishing your two minute noodles. 

First aid kit

Get a ziplock baggie and throw in whatever you have that is kind of first aid like. Band aids, antihistamines, painkillers etc. Essential oils and crystals do not belong in a first aid kit. Grab some hygiene items too like soap, toothbrush, sunscreen etc. 


Get a flashlight but check it works first. If you are like me the batteries in the flashlight have probably never been changed and are corroded to buggery. If you have spare batteries on hand add them too.
Assuming you don't own anything as useful as a multitool, take any useful tools you may have. A can opener, small pair of pliers and small scissors are just the things. Hair dryers and TV remotes do not count. Good old duct tape has a thousand uses and cable ties are awesome. String and rope are useful too.

Smartphone and money

In the old days they would suggest taking a battery powered radio but who, other than antique collectors, have radios. So your smartphone is probably your best communication device to take. An important tip! Set your phone to silent mode and don't go wandering around glued to you phone.

Money may still be useful in the early stages of the apocalypse. Take some coins too as you may be lucky enough to come across a vending machine somewhere. While smashing it open with a brick is cheaper and more fun, using coins is quicker and quieter. 


If time gather your important documents. No not the TV guide. We are talking about insurance policies, phone numbers and your passport.

Chew off more than you bite (or vice versa)

Mr Rimsky

* Have no idea what the 30 minutes is for, I added it as a marketing ploy. Probably the amount of time before your cheap plastic laundry bag falls apart.

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