Apocalypse Hal: Viruses (and Tim Tams)

Everyone talks about the zpoc being caused by a virus. And for good reason.

Viruses are sneaky little things, responsible for a lot of scary disease outbreaks like Swine flu, Ebola and Herpes. So it is important to be able to spot one, which is pretty much impossible seeing that are 20 and 300 nanometres in size.

Anyway, basically they are dead protein capsules containing DNA or RNA. They invade your cells, turn them into virus manufacturing plants and make you sick. 

The best thing you can do to avoid infection? Wash your hands. Seriously, it greatly reduces the spread of the clingy little buggers. Wearing a Hazmat suit also helps.

Bite off more than you can chew.

Mr Rimsky

Becoming a zombie - Know the 10 signs!

Know the 10 signs! 

Worried you may be catching a dose of the zombie? Scared you may start snacking on your family and friends? Be prepared and know the 10 signs that may indicate you are becoming a zombie. 

Disclaimer - this is for information only and is not a substitute of consultation with a qualified zombie slayer.

Have you noticed any of the following:

Recent illness – Been a bit under the weather lately? Got a fever, muscular aches or zombie bites? Looking pale with patches of discolouration and gross decaying bits? All classic warning signs.

Memory lost - Forgetting important information is a common sign of early zombie development. Forgetting to putting on underwear, forgetting to use tissues and not knowing where the toilet is are concerning indicators. They are just concerning all round.

Challenges in solving problems - Can't solve a Rubik's Cube? No worries, neither can the rest of us. Having trouble using a doorknob? That is a concern. If you start to see a rapid decline in your Angry Bird scores then seek help.

Easily distracted – Do you find yourself easily being, - hey get back here. I said if you find – hey stop that. I said stop it. Now pay attention this is important. Are you listening? Ah forget it.

Change in appetite – Strange changes in food cravings is a possible sign of being pregnant, or becoming a zombie. Vegans suddenly wanting to eat meat is an obvious warning sign. Other behaviours to look for is a craving for insects, stray cats or chomping on anything that looks like a cauliflower.

Withdrawal from social activities or work – Find crowds of people strangely exciting yet also worrying? Do you find yourself on the edges of social activities, watching on but not joining in? If so, do you drool while looking on? That's very disturbing.

Aimless wandering – Do you sudden find yourself outside wandering the streets with no idea how you got there? Are your arms outstretched? Zombies tend to do these things.

Maggot infestation – Do swarms of flies hover around you? Notice the odd maggot on your clothes or in your hairbrush after brushing your hair? Do people scream and run away when they see you? It's a worry.

Loss of self identity – Finding it harder and harder to remember who you really are? Memories becoming more and more blurry each day? Constantly reading the label on your undies to remember your name. Oh yeah you're in a bad way. 

Unusual speech patterns – People having trouble understanding what you say? Moaning and groaning a lot? Do you have difficulty with big words and use simple language like 'Me hungry, eat you'. You be zombie.

Remember: Early detection matters - to the rest of us.

100 Deadly Skills

I love ebooks. 

It is partly because they take up no shelf space. Partly because they are a bit cheaper and you can find odd titles you never see in the bookstores. But mainly I love them because it doesn't matter if it is 1.00 am on a stormy night and you don't want to get out of bed. You can buy a new book and be reading in minutes.

Which is pretty much how I ended up reading 100 Deadly Skills on the weekend.

It is a pretty cool book. Each skill has a page or two of description and a black and white diagram. All put together by retired Navy SEAL Clint Emerson and based on years working secret special missions. It is kind like the The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook for paranoid people and is squarely aimed at the big boys demographic. No female role models in this book.

As a bonus there is a lot about recycling. Making gun holsters out of coat hangers, silencers out of plastic bottles and lock picks out of paperclips. There is a lot of really interesting (and dangerous) stuff in this book. I particularly liked the improvised taser using a disposable camera.

There are some useful tips here for the future zombie onslaught. Lets say you are traveling and get stuck in a hotel room when the zeds start appearing. With this book you will know how to barricade your hotel door, make body armour out of bibles and escape the building with a bedsheet rope. Tip - Ask for a King size bed and extra sheets!

An entertaining read. I'm definitely getting some Kevlar shoelaces. 


Bite off more that you can chew

Mr Rimsky

DEAD PLANET: Checking in…how to turn any accommodation into a Zombie safe zone.

Greetings fellow BZFers! 

I’ve been on the move a fair bit since moving to South East Asia. First off, I was in a large house in a rural province called Kampong Chhnang, where monkeys occupied the local park, chickens roamed the streets, oxen fed at the local soccer field, frogs made our home their home, horses trotted by my office and dogs barked aggressively at night. 

Then, I moved to the concrete-filled, traffic-infested, strange smelling city that is Phnom Penh. In between KC and PP I also spent time in guest houses, hostels, hotels and hammocks across Cambodia, Bangkok and Singapore.

Moving quite frequently has made me think about the various zombie-related risks that you run when accommodation hopping. It’s much easier to execute a Zombie survival plan in your own home than on the unpredictable and unknown road. So, if you happen to find yourself traveling, backpacking or glamping when the outbreak occurs, here are a few handy tips to help you safeguard any location!

STEP 1 - Keep essential items nearby

Make a list of your personal essential survival items and keep them close at all times. For example, if you are hard of seeing like me, having glasses and contact lenses in immediate reach will help you differentiate between the invading Zombie and the tacky hotel lampstand (plus, if you break it they’ll probably try and make you pay). 

 

STEP 2 - Find a weapon

Taking Zombie killing weapons through travel check points can be troublesome (ask me about that time I took a sword into Japan). So right after you check into your digs for the night, identify a few items that could be used to cause some serious Zombie brain death. If you’re staying in a nice hotel you may be able to use the complimentary iron. However if you are going budget and can’t find anything suitable, head down to a local market and search for locally made cow slingshots. 

STEP 3 - Have a way to contact home

Being able to warn your loved ones of Zombie attacks may be important to you. Getting a local sim card will help you send off a quick message to warn them before the attack goes global. You might also want to invest in an old school non-smart phone for superior battery life and retro effect.

 

STEP 4 - Improvise a barricade

Using luggage and furniture to barricade yourself in your room will keep those pesky Zombies at bay whilst you come up with a plan. If you’re lucky you may also be able to monitor their movements through the little hole in the hotel door.

Room service?

And of course, whether you are staying in a hotel, hostel, tent, yurt, igloo or tree house, whether you are travelling for work, leisure or something in between…wherever you find yourself when the Zombocalypse occurs… remember to aim for the HEAD!

Rise against the Risen!

MISS ACE

The art of eating through the zombie apocalypse

There are a lot of zombie survival books out there. A few are good. 

But a lot are just heaps of pathetic drivel that people have slapped together to make a quick buck (Hey, that gives me an idea).

Then someone writes a book that really rises the bar.
 

Lauren Wilson takes you on an American culinary journey, while dodging hordes of the undead. You start by hiding out in your boarded up apartment while zombies wander the street. Learn how to use those leftovers in the fridge to make The Wok-ing Dead Stir-fry. Gain grilled cheese sandwich inspiration!

With the fridge empty you start pulling out those mysterious packets hiding in the back of your cupboard. Got flour? Rustle up some No-Knead to Panic Bread, perfect for lazy people. Then it's time for some urban hunting and foraging as your food runs low. This is were the cuisine gets creative with Mealworm Fried Rice (insects) and Roasted Tree Rat (squirrel).  

Eventually you are forced to move on, scavenging for morsels of food in the wastelands. Find a tin of tuna and packet of Easy Mac left over in the looted shops? Time to rustle up some Who's got your tuna mac. Or if you are lucky the menu could be End Times Musubi (spam sushi) and Twinkie Trifle. 

Maybe you'll move on into the wilds eating offal and nuts. Or maybe you end up in a military camp learning to spice up those MREs. Ultimately you make it to a suitable location for the long haul, and start building a new society. Somewhere like Maine where shellfish gardening and kelp harvesting can get you through the winters.   

There is a lot of useful information in this book, from preserving food to making rocket stoves. Growing mealworms to rooftop agriculture. While American, the recipes are quite varied and include useful techniques like making mayo from powdered eggs and cheese from dried milk powder. Lauren's style is humorous as the recipe titles show - Dawn of the Bread Salad anyone?  The illustrations by Kristian Bauthus are above standard and being in colour stand out against the usual black and white illustrations.

A must for anyone wanting to improve their apocalyptic culinary skills.


Bite off more mealworms than you can chew.

Mr Rimsky

Australian Survivor has risen from the dead!

Channel Ten is planning to run Australian Survivor in 2016 and entries are still open.

Now back in 2002 the very first Australian Survivor aired and yes I applied. 

Back then this involved producing a crappy video and posting the bulky VHS tape to Channel Ten. Then you waited patiently for a nicely typed letter to arrive in the post to announce you were unsuccessful. VHS and snail mail, those were the glory days of reality TV.

Now applications are online and done via a specialist recruitment company. I gather the application takes two to three hours to complete. You have to provide all the sordid details of your life.

Personally I think Survivor offers a great learning experience for those wishing to survive the zpoc. It is not just the survival bit, but dealing with all those fellow contestants who will stab you in the back first change they get. Just the life skills you need when holed up in and abandoned shopping center with a bunch of strangers while zombies drool outside. Also good experience for working in an office.

Now I am unsure if I am mentally and physically up to the challenge of Australian Survivor - I mean three hours filling in forms? But if you are, you can start divulging all your personal secrets at https://go.mycastingnet.com/Apply/Show/AustralianSurvivor

Bite off more than you can chew.

Mr Rimsky

Apocalypse Hal: zombies

After Miss ACE discussed the various zombie types I thought it appropriate to do a bit of a line up.

You got the three classes of zombies inspired by the movies. The classic slow dead of Night of the Living Dead, the more intelligent talkers of Return of the Living Dead and the infected living of 28 Days Later. 

And for a bit of fun I threw in the clumsy but slightly intelligent vampires of Last Man on Earth.These were the prototype zombie that kick started it all.


Bite off more than you can chew

Mr Rimsky