Friday, 5 February 2016

Becoming a zombie - Know the 10 signs!

Know the 10 signs! 

Worried you may be catching a dose of the zombie? Scared you may start snacking on your family and friends? Be prepared and know the 10 signs that may indicate you are becoming a zombie. 

Disclaimer - this is for information only and is not a substitute of consultation with a qualified zombie slayer.

Have you noticed any of the following:

Recent illness – Been a bit under the weather lately? Got a fever, muscular aches or zombie bites? Looking pale with patches of discolouration and gross decaying bits? All classic warning signs.

Memory lost - Forgetting important information is a common sign of early zombie development. Forgetting to putting on underwear, forgetting to use tissues and not knowing where the toilet is are concerning indicators. They are just concerning all round.

Challenges in solving problems - Can't solve a Rubik's Cube? No worries, neither can the rest of us. Having trouble using a doorknob? That is a concern. If you start to see a rapid decline in your Angry Bird scores then seek help.

Easily distracted – Do you find yourself easily being, - hey get back here. I said if you find – hey stop that. I said stop it. Now pay attention this is important. Are you listening? Ah forget it.

Change in appetite – Strange changes in food cravings is a possible sign of being pregnant, or becoming a zombie. Vegans suddenly wanting to eat meat is an obvious warning sign. Other behaviours to look for is a craving for insects, stray cats or chomping on anything that looks like a cauliflower.

Withdrawal from social activities or work – Find crowds of people strangely exciting yet also worrying? Do you find yourself on the edges of social activities, watching on but not joining in? If so, do you drool while looking on? That's very disturbing.

Aimless wandering – Do you sudden find yourself outside wandering the streets with no idea how you got there? Are your arms outstretched? Zombies tend to do these things.

Maggot infestation – Do swarms of flies hover around you? Notice the odd maggot on your clothes or in your hairbrush after brushing your hair? Do people scream and run away when they see you? It's a worry.

Loss of self identity – Finding it harder and harder to remember who you really are? Memories becoming more and more blurry each day? Constantly reading the label on your undies to remember your name. Oh yeah you're in a bad way. 

Unusual speech patterns – People having trouble understanding what you say? Moaning and groaning a lot? Do you have difficulty with big words and use simple language like 'Me hungry, eat you'. You be zombie.

Remember: Early detection matters - to the rest of us.

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