Arriving at what felt like my 89th viewing, I saw the horrifying familiar sight of the ‘rental horde'. Solitary, hunched over and with vacant expressions, they waited for the first hint of brains, I mean the real estate agent before the blood thirsty and determined begun to move towards the coveted prize.
Let me be clear, this particular place was a total bust - no space for necessary supplies and barely enough kitchen to try Miss Kohopop’s delightful squirrel sausages! I have tried to keep to a strict criteria when analysing all locations on their ability to safeguard against the impending apocalypse and of course any twerking teens.
Here are my top tips for anti-apocalypse renters:
- Bars on the windows: sure you may feel like you’re in jail but imagine how much worse you’d feel if you were pulled through an insecure window by the ravening horde.
- Dead locks: self-explanatory for locking the dead out.
- Escape route: while it is all well and good to learn self defence, you will need a secret route to disappear at a moment’s notice.
- Insulation and solid walls: the last thing you would want is to freeze to death or have the building collapse.
It took some looking, but I eventually found a place that was off the first floor and met all my requirements. I would suggest a good dose of patience when looking for your humble abode, it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen!
Good luck and happy house hunting!
Bite you later
Mr Vitamin G (and Miss E)