Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Zombies under the hammer!

Whether you’re renting or buying your first house, the experience can be a stressful one without having to deal with a horde of zombie-like buyers crawling over your potential pad!  Lifelong BZF fan and close friend Miss E has recently gone through this process herself, so we thought we would share her story with you all, in her own words of course!

Arriving at what felt like my 89th viewing, I saw the horrifying familiar sight of the ‘rental horde'.  Solitary, hunched over and with vacant expressions, they waited for the first hint of brains, I mean the real estate agent before the blood thirsty and determined begun to move towards the coveted prize.

Let me be clear, this particular place was a total bust - no space for necessary supplies and barely enough kitchen to try Miss Kohopop’s delightful squirrel sausages!  I have tried to keep to a strict criteria when analysing all locations on their ability to safeguard against the impending apocalypse and of course any twerking teens.

Here are my top tips for anti-apocalypse renters:

  • Bars on the windows: sure you may feel like you’re in jail but imagine how much worse you’d feel if you were pulled through an insecure window by the ravening horde.
  • Dead locks: self-explanatory for locking the dead out.
  • Escape route: while it is all well and good to learn self defence, you will need a secret route to disappear at a moment’s notice.
  • Insulation and solid walls: the last thing you would want is to freeze to death or have the building collapse.

It took some looking, but I eventually found a place that was off the first floor and met all my requirements.  I would suggest a good dose of patience when looking for your humble abode, it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen!

Good luck and happy house hunting!

Bite you later

Mr Vitamin G (and Miss E)

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