fitness test

I took a DIY fitness test on the weekend, to see how I would cope if the zombies rise up.

The test is from Major Sam McGrath's book, The Para fitness guide ('Para', as in the elite UK paratrooper regiment). It seemed an appropriate and manly enough test for me. He breaks the results down into four levels, Civilian, Recruit, Solder and Paratrooper. So how did I stack up?

Cardiovascular Fitness Test
Do a warm up and then run 2.4 km (1.5 miles). Obviously a good test of fitness but also great practice for outrunning the walking dead. I was hoping to do under 12.30 minutes but the buzzer went off just as the end was in sight. So close.

over 12.30 minutes - score: Civilian

Strength & Muscular Endurance Tests

Push ups are a solid measure of your upper body strength and zombie whacking power. How many push ups can you do in 2 minutes? I ran out of steam but managed 71 (I have been practicing). The last dozen were painful.


71 push ups - score: Solider
 
Wait two minutes and then do it again with sit ups. A great test of muscular endurance. Plus we all want washboard abs, even in the zombie apocalypse.  I ran out of time so need to speed it up.   

60 push ups - score: Solider

Then the fun one, chin ups (or pull ups). An excellent measure of your body to weight strength and handy when desperately scrambling over walls to avoid the undead. Do as many as possible without letting go or touching the ground. Failed here with a mere 3.5 but getting better with more practice, already up to 3.75!

3.5 - score: Civilian

Flexibility test
This tests flexibility in your back and hamstrings, whatever they are. Being flexible is good, especially when scavenging for food off the top shelves of abandoned supermarkets. Sit on the floor with your feet against the wall. Slide your fingers along the floor towards the wall to a spot where you can hold it for about 5 seconds. Score is the distance between wall and your fingers.  

14.5 cm - score: Solider


Seeing I am too old and lazy to join any army the results are pretty positive. Have to see if I improve in a month's time. 

Apocalypse Hal: Low tech

So once you have dropped your night vision gear down the stairs and smashed your drone into the trees, it will be time to go old school.

There are many simple tools you can create or adapt for use in the zombie wastelands. Duct tape a car wing mirror onto a pole and you have a handy trench periscope for looking around corners and peering into buildings. Flaming torches work just as well as a flashlight and will give you that swashbuckling adventurer look. 

Sometimes it's cool to go old school. Sometimes it is your only choice.


Bite of more than you can chew

Mr Rimsky

Apoclypse Hal: High Tech

Scavenging for rusty tins of pet food in the ruins of humanity will be dangerous. All those hungry undead prowling the zombie wastelands means you need to be extra careful. 

Luckily technology can give you an edge with those basic tasks like communications, lighting and detecting the walking dead.  

The downside with such high tech gadgets is the warranties will be void once the zombies appear. So be extra careful with your gear. Oh yeah, you will need a solar battery charge too.


Bite off more than you can chew

Mr Rimsky

Random Zombie Travel Finds

Greetings BZFers!

I am now home after my year-long experience in South East Asia. I had some great experiences, sweated a lot and learned many important lessons along the way. 

As you know, many of these lessons were valuable preparations for the inevitable Zombie apocalypse. Over the year my posts have included: South East Asia transport options during the apocalypse; breakdowns on the different types of Zombies you may encounter; apocalypse survival lesson from rural fieldtrips; how to spot patient 0 in transit; Chinese hopping Zombies; and tips on Zombie-proofing any accommodation.

To wrap up my travel series, I thought I’d begin by sharing a few random Zombie/apocalypse-related things I found over the year: 

Thing 1: Canned Gas 
This can was spotted on one of my first nights in Phnom Penh and it just seems like the kind of thing that would be helpful in the apocalypse. I mean, look at Mr Gas. He seems ready for anything! 

Thing 2: Skinfood 
Skinfood is a store in a giant shopping mall in Phnom Penh. To me, it sounds like the kind of place Zombies would do their groceries when they can’t manage to find a fresh human around… 

Thing 3: Neck and Neck 
This was spotted in the same shopping mall as Skinfood. The shop is actually full of children’s clothes, but don’t be fooled – Necks are a classic target areas for Zombies to bite, so I’m sure they’re behind this façade! 

Thing 4: Fly covered corn 
During my first fieldtrip in a place called Kampong Chhnang, we stopped for corn. After demolishing said delicious corn, flies swarmed my discarded corn shells…admittedly there were more flies before I whipped my Camera out, but food waste covered in insects kind of reminded me of the Walking Dead…a scene of things to come… 

Thing 5: Zombie inspired Magic Art in Bangkok 
During a brief trip to Bangkok, I googled something like ‘Zombies Bangkok’ and found a 3D Art museum with an awesome Thai horror zone which had many zombie related pieces: 

I tried to do a cool jumping shot with this, but it was hard with the camera timer. I found a nice Thai lady to help me, but this was the best we got: 

Thing 6: Street of The Dead (Singapore) 
This is one of those times when I did not seek out Zombie related things – in this case Zombie related things found me. My first night in Singapore I was casually wandering around Chinatown and I found this: 

Thing 7: Universal Studios Frankenstein 
On a trip to Singapore’s Universal Studios, I met Frankenstein (the original Zombie) for the second time. We first became acquainted back in 2012 and I was pretty excited to see him again in 2015!
 

2012 

2015 

Thing 8: Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights! 

The reason I was in Singapore was because there was a week long holiday in Cambodia to honour ancestors (Pchum Ben). But the reason I chose to go to Singapore, over say, Taiwan or Hong Kong, was because this was happening:

Halloween Horror Nights (HHN) is an annual Halloween event held at the various Universal Studios around the world! They spookify the whole park and set-up a bunch of differently themed haunted houses and Scare-zones. The show started with an opening SCAREMONY, which helped introduce the event by having characters from each theme yell at you and stuff. Also there was an explosion. 

The first haunted house I went into was Hell House! It was super creepy and hot, and included a few random body parts sticking out of walls and hanging from ceilings. They also gave us some paper which supposed to be some sort of Spirit world currency, and one of my main memories of this house was how amusingly jumpy the girl in front of me was (she tipped me off to the scariest bits). There was also a Jiang Shi (Chinese hopping Zombie) at the end with a massive tongue, although I couldn’t capture it due to the no photo policy.

The second Haunted House I went into was specifically Singapore themed to celebrate the city’s 50^th birthday. The line to get in was as long as my flight from Phnom Penh, but the inside was pretty cool - it had lots of security guys directing you through a Singaporean apartment complex that had been plagued by a horrible zombie-like disease.

Invaders wasn’t a haunted house but a ‘Scarezone’ which allowed guests to walk through freely and take pics, etc. It was full of giant scary aliens and wounded human soldiers. It was a very cool atmosphere and a good alternative to the Haunted House lines. It was a bit like walking through a live movie set.

Conterminated was another Scare zone that was set up to look like an abandoned diseased colony. The piles of rubbish bags impressed me the most as they looked all too real…

And finally HUNGRY GHOSTS was my favourite scare zone! It featured the Chinese hopping Zombie, who I followed around as it stalked the other guests: 

I would highly recommend going to a Halloween Horror Night if you ever find yourself near a Universal Studios around the end of October! They even had scary themed food:

And also spotted this disturbing bird-like creature who was on his (?) way to a Halloween themed show.

 
So there you have it BZFers! Proof that Zombies can be found all around the world! So no matter where you end up in this crazy planet of ours, remember that the Zombies can be lurking under every filthy hostel mattress; be stumbling through any overly priced tourists sites; or sitting next to you on a plane/train/tuk tuk or elephant!

Rise against the Risen!

Miss Ace

Apocalypse Hal: Layers

Well it is officially winter. 

As everyone knows, winter means dressing in layers to keep warm. Unless you are up north where it always bloody hot. Anyway, dressing in layers is also good for general disasters and zombie apocalypses. So get to know your layers.

Don't forget to accessorise!


Bite off more than you can chew.

Mr Rimsky

Panic buying, Eurovision and zombies

The reality of a zombie apocalypse is that in the initial days, hordes of unprepared people will panic buy everything in the stores. When cyclone Maria bore down on Yeppoon in 2015, some shops sold out of bananas in 30 minutes!

So it helps to have some experience with crazed mobs of shoppers. Something I discovered at the ADLI snow gear sale today. Whole families were there, some members dashing headlong into the frenzy while others carefully guarded their trolleys in nearby aisles. There were hand signals, strategic use of trolleys to block people and lots of ducking and weaving. And all I was after was milk.

And just because you are in a desperate survival situation doesn't mean you can't be fashionable. Eurovision likes to set new fashion boundaries so it was great to see Bosnia and Herzegovina rocking it with Mylar survival blankets as capes. They chose the classic bronze and sliver version, with that just unfolded, stylish grid pattern. At about $5 each they obviously had a big budget.

As for zombies there was an interesting piece in the issue 508 of The Big Issue. It covered the history of zombies, particular the pop culture side. But there was some deep discussion around how horror movies tend to be popular during uncertain, scary times. Times of economic troubles, civil unrest and boring election campaigns. So is the interest in zombies really a symptom of a society that, like a maggoty undead, is slow decaying away? Heavy stuff to ponder. Better stock up on more bananas. 


Bite off more banana than you can chew


Mr Rimsky

Budget, zombie soup and apocalypse cars

Well it has been an interesting week.

The Federal Budget was handed down early and as can be expected, no funding for zombie research. Guess the government refuses to believe in zombies, along with global warming.

But zombies must exist because I stumbled across a recipe for zombie soup. Sadly no zeds are harmed in the making of this dish. It doesn't actually contain any undead but is simply one of those jars full of dehydrated ingredients that you throw in a large pot of boiling water for a quick and easy meal. It's a prepper recipe, particularly good for when hordes of unprepared survivors (called zombies in the prepper lingo) turn up on your doorstop after a disaster.

If you are planning to be prepared, Tesla announced a new feature for some of its cars. A military grade bioweapons defense mode! While intended for dealing with pollution it is an awesome feature to have for the zombie apocalypse. In addition to filtering out 'gaseous pollutants' (the stench of the undead) it also removes bacteria, viruses, pollen and mold spores (possible zombie pathogens). No need to buy those car air freshers anymore.

Bite off more zombie soup than you can chew

Mr Rimsky