Apocalypse Hal - Herbal First Aid

First aid nature's way.

Now kids, don't buy drugs. Grow them it's cheaper! No wait - that's not what I meant.

Oh man I am so going to get in trouble.


Bite off more that you can chew.

Mr Rimsky

Lord of the flies

A bunch of English schoolboys wake up on a deserted tropical island. An A-bomb? Mass evacuation? Airplane crash but no wreckage remains. Kids but no adults.  Everything they know is gone and there is a scary "beast" haunting the jungle.

Sound like the TV series Lost but no. It is the classic book Lord of the Flies. The second book on my reading list.

But survival isn't the problem for the boys. There is tropical fruit, fresh water and pigs that they learn to hunt. They have fire. No this story is about people existing without rules, society or authority. Being schoolboys ramps it up as the older boys now face the responsibilities of the adult world with no guidance.

What starts as a jolly good adventure quickly turns nasty as rivalries emerge and things fall apart. Good natured and likable Ralph is elected chief but Jack, leader of the pig hunters starts to undermine him. Chaos and fear stalk the boys and simple tasks like keeping a signal fire going begins to lose meaning. There is murder.

Finally it is Ralph as the outcast, fleeing the tribe across the burning island. Slowly it dawns on him exactly what his fate will be when caught. They have sharpened a stick at both ends!

Written in 1954 by William Golding, for many this book was required reading at school. Golding was a school teacher himself and clearly wrote the book with a lesson in mind - the savagery of mankind. "Maybe there is a beast… maybe it's only us."

And while the book may be dated by our standards, the theme is universal. You see in The Walking Dead. Never mind the zombies, it your fellow humans you should fear.

And while there are no zombies in Lord of the Flies, Golding uses an interesting device to give the imagined "beast" a physical reality. A dead pilot whose tangled parachute makes him move. What better than a "zombie" to symbolise the growing fear gripping the boys.


Bite off more than you can chew

Mr Rimsky

Apocalypse Hal - six tips

Have a nice apocalypse.

Traumatic events, like a zombie outbreak, can be a bit of a shock to people resulting in conditions like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  A lot of research has been done on treating PTSD but what helps prevent an individual from developing it in the first place?

These tips may help you cope better with an apocalypse.

Then again, maybe watching endless reruns of The Walking Dead will help desensitise you from the horrors of a real event. How would I know? I'm not a psychologist.


Bite off more than you can chew


Mr Rimsky

Shut up and Buy Zombies!!

Here at BZF we get loads of people sending in different articles about cool zombie related paraphernalia.  Not long ago, I was introduced to a neat little website called Shut Up and Take My Money which hosts a wide variety of quirky gifts.

I know you can buy virtually any kind of zombie themed gift these days, but I found a few stand-out products which might be useful when you’re looking for something a bit different.

Who wouldn’t want a row of zombie solar light’s leading up to their front door?  Cleverly positioned in a mid ‘rising out of the ground’ position, I would love nothing more than to casually stroll by these loyal helpers on a daily basis with no risk of getting bit as they kindly light the way.

Lately The Walking Dead has shown us some super juicy zombie kills and what better way to replicate this on a daily basis than with your very own Zombie Plush Slippers!  Just imagine slipping these on every morning, straight after a night of apocalyptic dreaming and visualising yourself delivering the pain by stomping on some wretched zombie heads – touché!

If you’re on the price conscious side of things, you can’t go wrong with a Stay Calm and Kill Zombies mug.  This little beauty not only adds colour and dimension to any workspace, but is a friendly reminder just in-case shit gets real.

Practically speaking, this naughty little mummy makes a super impressive gift.  Ok it may not be the toughest tool in the shed, but you will all need a Heavy Duty Emergency Survival Serrated Rescue Camping Shovel when battling the elements.  It also doubles as an excellent weapon if you’re out of bullets or samurai swords and need something for zombie decapitation

So there you go BZF Army, if you have a zombie crazed friend like me or want to spoil yourself silly, its time to shut up and spend your money!!

Bite you later

Mr Vitamin G

Apocalypse Hal - Out vile spot!

Note - I'm not liable if your clothes get wrecked :)

I want it known that I have NEVER worn a dress. Never, ever. Well once, but that was for charity so it doesn't count. And well, there was that time with the black mini skirt that I never want to talk about.

Apart from that, I have NEVER worn a dress.


Bite off more than you can chew

Mr Rimsky

Fold Your Own Zombies!

Hey everyone, today I am sharing with you an absolute must-have for any zombie enthusiast!  It’s not necessarily a valuable tool for the apocalypse but it will ensure you never miss a friend’s birthday or even worse your own mothers birthday ever again!

One day I had noticed that Mr Rimsky had an exciting new display at his desk of epic zombie proportions…… A zombie themed calendar!!  Of course we all live in an age of smart phones, tablets and email reminders, but this is one calendar that comes with some extra bite.

'Fold Your Own Zombie' presents us with a unique cartoon style and with each month you have a ‘punch-out’ section which allows you to create your very own 3D zombie model.  So not only do you get an entire years worth of the trendiest zombies around, you can also mark in those important dates like Mr Vitamin G’s birthday:

I have to say Miss Zombie 2014 was a deserving winner.

Not sure if this guy would be using the axe for the right reasons…

Hey presto, it’s your very own 3D zombie!

Bite you later

Mr vitamin G

Apocalypse Hal - Cards 3

More survival cards - now with more zombie.

Bite off more than you can chew

Mr rimsky

Zombies under the hammer!

Whether you’re renting or buying your first house, the experience can be a stressful one without having to deal with a horde of zombie-like buyers crawling over your potential pad!  Lifelong BZF fan and close friend Miss E has recently gone through this process herself, so we thought we would share her story with you all, in her own words of course!

Arriving at what felt like my 89^th viewing, I saw the horrifying familiar sight of the ‘rental horde'.  Solitary, hunched over and with vacant expressions, they waited for the first hint of brains, I mean the real estate agent before the blood thirsty and determined begun to move towards the coveted prize.

Let me be clear, this particular place was a total bust - no space for necessary supplies and barely enough kitchen to try Miss Kohopop’s delightful squirrel sausages!  I have tried to keep to a strict criteria when analysing all locations on their ability to safeguard against the impending apocalypse and of course any twerking teens.

Here are my top tips for anti-apocalypse renters:

• Bars on the windows: sure you may feel like you’re in jail but imagine how much worse you’d feel if you were pulled through an insecure window by the ravening horde.
• Dead locks: self-explanatory for locking the dead out.
• Escape route: while it is all well and good to learn self defence, you will need a secret route to disappear at a moment’s notice.
• Insulation and solid walls: the last thing you would want is to freeze to death or have the building collapse.

It took some looking, but I eventually found a place that was off the first floor and met all my requirements.  I would suggest a good dose of patience when looking for your humble abode, it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen!


Good luck and happy house hunting!

Bite you later

Mr Vitamin G (and Miss E)

Apocalypse Hal - Zombies vs Teenagers

I am not sure which would be worst, a plague of zombies or a plague of teenagers?

Of course this all falls apart if you come across a teenage zombie.

For those new to BZF don't forget to check out all last year's issues of Hal on facebook. Enjoy the creative journey from the first messy scrawls to the sophisticated doodles of today.


Bite of more than you can chew

Mr Rimsky